i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
