WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
