My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
