if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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