The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
