I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
