Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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