Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
