evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize