So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
