Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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