I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
is that a dick in a sweater?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
