You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
