And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
