Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
