I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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