I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
