I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
