i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just gift wrapped bread.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
