Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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