I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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