We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
