Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
