did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think I just sharted jello shots
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
