oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The air was thick with penises
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
