There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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