While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
