you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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