I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
