dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
