Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Randomize
