the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
