just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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