so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
