the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize