he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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