What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
