all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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