did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
