you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
