Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
