I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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