i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
