You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
