I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
