this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
