Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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