never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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