If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
