She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
