I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's never too late to be topless.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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