why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
