I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You ruined the universe
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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