i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
