there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
