I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hippo gnu deer
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
