Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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