Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
