He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
