dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
