we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
