Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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