Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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