Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
