i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
