you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
