He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The feeling are messing with the penis
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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