pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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