My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
