I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
