You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
