Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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