Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
